


Just Breathe

by babyjaem



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (from mark's parents), Communication, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecurity, M/M, yukhei just wants to take care of mark and show him that he's loved :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 16:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14336571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyjaem/pseuds/babyjaem
Summary: Mark needs to stop overworking himself and start communicating more often, and Yukhei is there to help him realize this.





	Just Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> um yeah... i dont really know about this one. i feel like i didnt do this pairing and their dynamic justice and i just feel super unsatisfied about this whole thing :/. im posting it bc it took a long ass time and i dont wanna just throw it away so here we are. whatta shame i love these two a lot and im sad bc their relationship tag is so DRY and i fill it up w this shit. i apologize in advance.

Yukhei feels slightly tired as he makes his way to the door of Mark's apartment. He worked the closing shift at his job, but he feels that there's always time for Mark, even if it's almost one in the morning. It's a normal occurence for Yukhei to visit his boyfriend after his shift in order to check on him and make sure he isn't dead. He takes out his keyring from his pocket, unlocking the door. After a few times of Yukhei loudly knocking on the door and yelling for the younger boy to open up, Mark just made a copy of his house key and gave it to Yukhei in order to avoid any unnecessary noise within the apartment complex.

Yukhei opens the door with the hand that isn't carrying a plastic bag full of food, yelling, "Yo, Mark, I brought some takeout if you're still hungry!"

The lights aren't on as he looks around the apartment while taking off his shoes. Yukhei places the takeout on the dining table, and he wonders if Mark is already asleep, which he then decides is highly unlikely. The younger boy has a tendency to only fall asleep when he absolutely cannot keep his eyes open anymore, meaning that his usual sleep cycle starts at around three in the morning.

Yukhei walks to Mark's bedroom, opening the door to discover that the lights in the room are off as well, the only light source coming from the screen of Mark's laptop. Mark is sitting against the headboard, eyes bloodshot and under eye circles darker than Yukhei has ever seen them. His hands are typing away on the keyboard without a break.

"Hey, Mark." Yukhei tries to catch his attention, going to sit on the edge of the boy's bed and flipping the switch of the lamp on Mark's nightstand. Mark merely gives him a nod of his head in response.

The older boy proceeds to ask, "How are you doing?" He looks at Mark expectantly, anticipating his answer.

"'M fine." Mark says, no sign of emotion in his voice.

"Uh, I don't think so." Yukhei knows that Mark is a very hard worker, it's even something Yukhei admires about his boyfriend, but he also knows that he can take it too far sometimes. Yukhei is generally a care-free person, but he worries about the younger boy constantly. He tries his best to take care of him and make sure he doesn't turn into a robot programmed only to do schoolwork and study for exams, but despite his efforts, Mark loses control of himself at times.

The taller boy sighs, figuring that it will take much more than words to snap Mark out of his current state. So, he takes matters into his own hands, literally. He takes the laptop off of Mark's lap, presses the "Save" button on the document, closes the lid, and places it on the nightstand, out of Mark's reach.

Mark stares at him, "Wait, Yukhei, what the fuck? I was working on that." Seeing the boy's tired eyes looking straight into his own makes Yukhei's heart break a tiny bit.

Yukhei ignores Mark's protest to his action, instead asking a question of his own. "When was the last time you ate?" Yukhei says, concern evident in his tone.

"Uh, I ate some yogurt when I got home after class. I think." Mark replies quickly, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Mark, are you serious?" Yukhei is surprised to hear the information coming out of Mark's mouth. He had memorized the other boy's class and work schedule in order to know when he was free and when he wasn't, so he's able to figure out how long Mark has gone without eating anything. "You haven't ingested anything in, like, ten hours." Yukhei tries not to show the extreme worry and slight impatience he currently feels

Mark visibly shrinks into his hoodie. "So what? You're not my fucking mom, I don't know why you're acting like you are." He quietly spits out, the lack of sleep from the past week building up into annoyance.

Yukhei looks at his boyfriend with shock written all over his face, in disbelief that the younger boy really said that to him. "Okay, I may not be your fucking mom, but I am your fucking boyfriend. I'm allowed to be fucking worried about you and shit!" Yukhei raises his voice at him. He realizes what he has just done, so he runs his hand through his hair, willing himself to calm down. He knows better than to lash out on Mark, especially when he's in such a vulnerable state.

Mark starts to feel tears well up in his eyes as soon as he notices the shift of Yukhei's tone, looking down into his knees to shield his face from Yukhei's gaze. _You're a terrible boyfriend_ , Mark's mind tells him, _You only make him worry and cause him stress. You're such a burden_. The tears start to stream down his face.

"Mark, can you look at me?" Yukhei's tone is noticeably softer, as if speaking at a louder volume will cause Mark to break. When Mark only curls into himself more, Yukhei scoots closer to the boy and speaks again, "Please?"

The younger boy shakes his head, refusing to reveal his tear-stained face in fear of what the other boy will think of him for being so sensitive. Yukhei understands this, not saying a word as he gathers the boy in his arms until he's seated on Yukhei's lap, turning his body until they're facing each other. Yukhei wraps his boyfriend in a tight embrace and rubs his back to comfort him. Mark balls up the material of Yukhei's sweater in his fists, burying his face into the larger boy's chest as he starts to sob.

Yukhei is filled with guilt as he realizes that he's the reason for Mark's tears. "I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you, I'm so sorry." He holds Mark even tighter to his own body as he says this.

However, to Yukhei's dismay, Mark hurriedly shakes his head as if to oppose Yukhei's words. "No, I'm s-sorry." Mark hiccups, struggling to get the sentence out while crying this hard.

Yukhei is confused as to why Mark is apologizing when none of this is his fault. "No, no, baby, what are you sorry for?" He releases his tight hold on the boy, allowing him to see Mark's face.

"It's b-because," Mark is shaking on Yukhei's lap as a result of his sobs, "I made you angry because I don't take care of myself well enough, and I'm a terrible boyfriend, and I'm a burden, and I don't deserve you." Mark rambles on, words rushed and slightly difficult to understand.

Yukhei's heart drops. "Mark, baby, that is not true." Yukhei tries to look into Mark's eyes as best as he can with the boy's hair covering his face.

He needs to get Mark into a headspace in which he can properly and clearly express how he's feeling. "Can you breathe with me, please? Let's calm down now, okay?" He takes Mark's hand in his larger one, placing it on his chest and breathes deeply to set an example for Mark, in and out, in and out, in and out.

To Yukhei's relief, Mark visibly starts to calm down after a few minutes of the breathing exercise. He suddenly speaks, "Look at me." So Mark does. The taller boy uses his thumbs to wipe the tears from his boyfriend's face, then taking a tissue from the tissue box on the bedside table, holding it up to Mark's nose and telling him to blow. Yukhei is sure that Mark feels embarrassed by this, but he doesn't care. He knows that his boyfriend needs someone to care for him and he is more than willing to fulfill that role.

"Now," Yukhei speaks when he sees that Mark has fully calmed down, breathing back to normal and tears no longer flowing, "talk to me. Why did you say that shit about being a bad boyfriend?"

Mark looks away, not wanting to make eye contact with his boyfriend after his breakdown. "It's just," He pauses for a moment, taking a few seconds to collect his thoughts, "You're always looking after me and checking up on me and shit, and I don't know. I never take care of myself so it makes you all stressed out, too, and I feel like your life would be so much easier if you didn't have to deal with me." Mark gets all of this off of his chest, but somehow, his heart doesn't feel any lighter.

"Oh my god, Mark..." Yukhei replies sadly. He had noticed that Mark had some insecurities about himself in their relationship, but he never realized how serious it all was. "You are not a burden to me at all. I only worry because I love you so much, and I don't want you to suffer alone. You are so, so important in my life." Yukhei lets out a deep sigh, "You know you can always talk to me, right? About anything? Even if you think it's the stupidest shit in the world." Yukhei chuckles quietly and runs his fingers through Mark's hair, trying to lighten up the mood while still comforting the younger boy.

"Yeah, I know." He plays with the hem of Yukhei's hoodie, picking at the loose threads. "It's just hard to do that sometimes. It sucks because, like, I wanna tell you something, but my own brain is telling me that you don't need to hear it and you'll think I'm annoying if I do tell you!" Mark explains. "It's like I'm fighting a constant battle with my mind. Tough shit, huh?" Mark ends his sentence with a soft laugh, not wanting to dampen the atmosphere between them.

"Yeah, definitely. I'm sorry that you feel like you can't tell me stuff." Yukhei pulls the younger male closer to him, and Mark rests his head on Yukhei's chest, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Tell me more, baby, I wanna know what else goes on inside of that pretty little head of yours; whatever's making you stressed, happy, sad, anything. Just talk to me." Yukhei tells his boyfriend, punctuating his words with a kiss to his forehead.

Mark smiles as he feels Yukhei's lips press against his skin. "Well, I've got a lot of stuff to talk about, then." Mark laughs, "You willing to stay up to listen to my problems?"

"Anything for you, baby." Yukhei replies smoothly, and Mark melts inside. Yukhei is too much for him sometimes, in the very best way possible.

"Alright, here I fuckin' go." Mark puts some distance between the two of them so that he doesn't accidentally hit his boyfriend with the large hand motions he tends to make when he talks. "So basically, my classes have been shit since it's almost the end of the quarter, and my English professor decided that it would be a good fucking idea to assign a long-ass writing assignment which is due the next fucking day! I've been working on that shit since I got home, so, thank the fucking Lord, I'm almost done, but still! I was really struggling with that shit, it was like my brain could not function for more than ten minutes at a time." Mark explains his problems with school passionately. Yukhei only nods while the other boy is speaking, not wanting to interrupt him.

Mark breathes deeply to prepare himself for what he's about to say next. "It's not only school, but my parents are pretty fucking annoying sometimes, too." Yukhei immediately sympathizes for the younger boy, knowing about the problems in his relationship with his parents. During the summer after his senior year of high school, Mark told his parents about his sexuality and relationship with Yukhei. They weren't very accepting, Mark's mom going on and on about how she'll never have the daughter she would have had if Mark wasn't attracted to men and could marry a woman instead. On the other hand, his father simply ignores him, acting as if he didn't exist. "They only contact me to tell me that they paid for my tuition or to ask if I've converted back to heterosexuality, as if that's how this shit works." Mark scoffs at that last part, rolling his eyes as he thinks about it.

He sighs deeply, "I think that's the majority of the bad shit I've been dealing with recently."

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry that things have been so difficult for you lately." Yukhei replies, wishing that he could magically take away all of Mark's struggles. Witnessing his boyfriend, his sweet, dedicated, too-good-for-this-world boyfriend, deal with so much does nothing but make Yukhei want to wrap him in a blanket and give him an eternal hug, protecting the younger male from anything that can possibly cause him harm.

"Eh, it's whatever." Mark just shrugs.

"Mark, it's not just 'whatever,' alright? If you're feeling bad about something, I wanna be able to know so that I can help you and listen to you! Your problems are important to me, and they should be important to you, too." Yukhei says to Mark with a lot of conviction, as he needs to get his message across to his boyfriend.

"Okay, okay, I'll try harder to tell you more about my life." Mark laughs about it, but he's going to really try and make an effort to communicate with Yukhei more about how he feels. He's so sick and tired of feeling shitty and insecure all the time, so he wants to improve not only his view on himself, but his relationship with Yukhei as well, one filled with mutual trust and respect and love, making communication a priority.

Yukhei smiles brightly, hugging Mark tightly. "That's the fucking spirit!" Yukhei says a bit too loudly, but the two of them burst into a fit of laughter anyway. Mark loves that about Yukhei; he loves that the older boy is so loud and unafraid to show his love for his boyfriend. The two balance each other out, making them the perfect pair. Mark feels that there is nobody else who can complete him as well as Yukhei does.

After a little while of being pressed comfortably against each other, Mark yawns and Yukhei notices that Mark's eyelids are starting to droop.

"Hey, baby, are you feeling tired?" Yukhei cards his fingers through Mark's hair again, the action making Mark succumb to his sleepiness even more. The latter nods, too tired to open his mouth and speak.

In order to allow Mark to be able to sleep more comfortably, Yukhei situates the both of them so they're both lying down in Mark's bed, warmly covered with a thick blanket. Mark is almost fully on top of Yukhei's body, but the older boy doesn't mind at all. The only thing Yukhei really cares about at the moment is making Mark feel safe, happy, and loved.

As Mark is falling asleep, he mumbles out a sleepy, "Love you, Xuxi. G'night."

Yukhei's heart is sent soaring when the sleepy, slurred words come out of his boyfriend's mouth. He absolutely adores when Mark calls him by that name, the syllables sounding more adorable than when they're said by any other person. He presses his lip to Mark's hair, saying, "I love you, too, baby. Forever and always."

By the time Yukhei finishes his sentence, Mark is already fast asleep, snoring lightly and mumbling some things that Yukhei isn't able to decipher. The corners of Yukhei's lips turn up, feeling more than content, heart filled to the brim with love.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhhh i was tryna do somethin different w yukhei's characterization?? like show a different side of him that isnt shown that much?? so yeah i hope that came across clearly and not just as a very ooc yukhei (even though im not gonna be surprised if it does seem like that rip lmao)  
> but yeah pls pls pls please PLEASE don't hesitate to give feedback/constructive criticism!!!!! anyway, i hope you all have an amazing morning/afternoon/evening and thank u for taking the time to read whatever this is <3
> 
> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/babiejaem) and ask me things on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/babiejaem)!


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